Things I've Stumbled Across Along the Way.

TITLE PAGE

2008-08-12T09:45:00.001-05:00

THINGS I'VE STUMBLED
ACROSS ALONG THE WAY

BY

JACK KOCHENOUR

Directions to the Chapters:

2006-01-14T12:33:00.001-06:00

Initial Comments

Chapter One: The Power of Positive Purpose

Chapter Two: Separate Realities

Chapter Three: Discover And Share The Love In Your Heart

Chapter Four: In Everything There Is A Blessing

Chapter Five: To Serve With Integrity And To Care

Chapter Six: We Are All Responsible For The Outcome

Chapter Seven: Kids Move, Make Noise, And Are Curious

Chapter Eight: Don't Mix Sparks And Gasoline

Chapter Nine: The Mystery Of Packing A Trunk

Chapter Ten: Be a Hero To Your Kid(s)

Chapter Eleven: Aunt Tillie's Trunk In The Attic

Chapter Twelve: "Mr. Wonderful", Please Change

Chapter Thirteen: Life Is About Choices

Chapter Fourteen: Living Or Existing

Chapter Fifteen: Discovering Your Personal Power

Chapter Sixteen: Discover Your Spiritual Self - Part One

Chapter Seventeen: Discover Your Spiritual Self - Part Two

Chapter Eighteen: Discover Your Spiritual Self - Part Three

Influential Books

Initial Comments, Or How I Decided On This Title

2006-01-14T05:00:00.000-06:00

There are times that ideas, running around in your mind for a very long time, start letting you know that their time to be free has come. When that time comes, listen to those ideas and set them free by writing them down. Share them with others.

Over the years I have taught classes in psychology, sociology, leadership, management, assertiveness training, motivation and interpersonal communication to name a few. I currently teach real estate classes where I work with people who are changing careers. Throughout the real estate instruction certain ideas kept repeating themselves as part of my presentation. Their “path to freedom” is usually preceded by; "Here is something I have stumbled across that you might find helpful..."

As with most of us who are afraid of new territory, I shied away from writing any of these down. My rationale was "I'm a talker not a writer." A very good friend of mine, Dr. Rod McIntyre, listened to my ideas and to my being a talker and not a writer until he could bear it no more. During one of our conversations he said, "Jack, what you really are is a coward. That big blank sheet of paper in front of you has you scared to death." I must tell you that being called a coward by a good friend is not an easy thing to take. And what is even worse is the realization that he is correct. So, with that in mind I decided that it was time for me to put my fear aside and take the plunge. Even with that resolve it wasn’t until one of my daughters, Adrianne Snyder, who is writing her own novel, and Mark M. Hood, the author of Live before you die, gave me additional encouragement that I began to get serious about it. My wife, Maryann, has always been an inspiration to me. If it were not for her, I might not have "stumbled across" most of the important lessons. The results of my efforts will follow.

Many real estate classes tend to be dull, monotonous and just plain boring to many people. Bringing in practical experiences and a few related stories helps keep the people involved and interested. None of these ideas I have stumbled across are particularly original, but they just seem to say some things that fit the moment. They seem to make some sense. You probably have run across them or said them yourself. So, as we go along I may be reminding you of what you already know. It might have receded to the back of your mind. However, if you haven't heard some of these, you might want to put them in your nice to know/need to know file.

The gist of my messages is ways of getting along with other people. How we do this will determine how others will perceive us. Keep these questions in mind. "How should I present myself?" I am the only one who can control my behavior. Others may try to influence me but I am still responsible for what I do. “What influence will I have on others?” I will influence others. Therefore, I must act in such a way that I do no harm intentionally. I will do those things that will help others achieve their goals and try to insure their goals are not destructive. I hope we all try to do the same.

Now, if I may, please let me share with you some of Jack’s Nuggets, otherwise known as those things I've "Stumbled across along the way."

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter One: The Power of Positive Purpose

2006-01-13T08:00:00.000-06:00

Have you figured it out yet? You know, your reason for being? Have you even thought about it? Have you talked to anyone about it since you were a teenager? Did you even talk about it then? Would you admit it if you did? I'm going to ask you to work on that now. There will be some suggestions to help you along the way. We will start small and then you can take it to whatever level you like.

We all reach a crossroads in our lives. Points in time where we are going to have to make choices. They are not always obvious, but we go through them nonetheless. A review of these points in our lives will give us clues to our purpose. We can also use this technique to assist us in making decisions at these crossroads. There are three steps to look at - a passion to do something, preparation and planning to achieve that something, and finally the performance.

HAVE A PASSION FOR SOMETHING

Many folks find themselves in situations at work, in their private lives and relationships that are less than satisfying. As they continue in these situations they become frustrated. It is easy for them to develop a passion to escape the situation. As you guessed, this is a crossroad. It is a time for clear thinking and planning to manage the change. Most of them will opt to do something else just to be out of the situation. They have a lot of energy wrapped up in the passion to escape. Consequently they do not always make the best choice for change. They are so focused on getting away that they don'?t spend much time on looking ahead.

Develop a positive attitude with a passion to move to something is much more agreeable and of greater use. Having a passion to do something will inherently bring about the positive attitude that will help you be successful.

How do you know you have a passion for something? Have you ever found yourself engaged in and activity and forgotten the time? Have you left that activity tired, but still "pumped up"‚ about it? Have you found yourself wishing you were doing something else while in the unsatisfactory situation? These are clues. It is these activities that bring us a lot of positive energy. We must use this energy to help guide our lives and choices. At first it might not seem practical to make such a change, but in the long run it will pay dividends. The change will require careful preparation and planning.

PREPARATION AND PLANNING

There we are, settled into our humdrum existence. We are thinking we want to be somewhere else doing a specific something else. A something else that is much more rewarding. Eureka! We have discovered the activity for which we have passion. What is keeping us from moving in that direction? If the change seems overwhelming that is the time to take stock on where we want to be. Our new endeavor may require specific education or training. Much of the time the training is rather expensive, so it is in our best interest to be sure that this is where we need to be.

Careful preparation gives us an opportunity to assess our strengths. Which strengths have brought us success? We should even consider improving those strengths.

Well, now you've done it. You've settled on that new place in your life, situation where you would rather be. You've discovered the preparation required. The goal might seem out of your reach. Here is where careful planning is essential. You will find that there are a number of steps to get to your new place in life. As you plan, look at those steps that are necessary to get from here to there. Once you have the plan worked out in smaller steps you are ready to implement it. This leads us to the last step

PERFORMANCE

Performance is nothing more than working your plan. As you reach each level of your plan reward yourself and then do a passion check. Are you still as excited about the plan as you were originally? You may have found that what you originally thought was an exciting situation now may not be. However, do not despair. You now have a way to do something about it. Just return to step one above. Who knows, but you, where it will lead you?

Jack's Nugget: A periodic passion check will keep you going in a positive direction.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Two: Separate Realities

2006-01-12T08:25:00.000-06:00

Have you ever witnessed an event with another person and at a later time discussed it? During that discussion did you get the feeling that you might have witnessed something entirely different than that other person? If so, you have been in the “separate realities zone.” Each of us has our own reasons for remembering things. Different things have different meanings for each of us. As we mature we learn that certain things are more important than others. It is probably a survival mechanism. Placing different values on different aspects of an event has helped us to survive. Consequently, it is no surprise to realize that we will have different recollections of the same event.

We need to take care when we discuss the recalled event. Otherwise we can have some heated arguments about what we witnessed. This is particularly true when we are with someone we love. Sometimes we just have to be “right.” We are subliminally convinced that if we are not “right” we are diminished as a person. It is as though our very existence is wrapped up in that one moment. In a way it is. Our “reality” will be changed as a result of the outcome of the discussion/argument.

Each of us has our own system of beliefs that help define us. Others may not share our beliefs. The beliefs are ours and they let others know who we are, even if the beliefs are not accurate.

When the difference of opinion about the event occurs, we are more prone to “defend” our position. We tend to see it as disapproval of ourselves. Whenever we personalize the comments of others it is almost impossible to change our minds. We are just too busy protecting ourselves.

Two dynamics appear to be operating at this time. One is the need to win at all costs, and the other is the inability to listen to the other person. Doing either one will usually cost us the relationship. Doing both will only hasten the relationship’s demise. This is particularly so when the other person is exhibiting the same behaviors and attitudes. Both are operating from their separate realities.

It is possible to overcome the anger and agitation when this occurs. The first step is to realize we are in the “separate realities zone.” The next step is to decide if winning argument is more important than the keeping the relationship. To short circuit the argument, just declare that your are in the “separate realities zone.” This will give both parties an opportunity to save face and think about the issue. Whenever this occurs with my wife and me, I think about it, and a few days later I let my wife know that her view was more accurate then mine. On occasion she will come to me. Her “batting average” is much better than mine.

If we want to reduce the times we visit the “separate realities zone”, we need to expand our response patterns. We need to change. Since we know of the two primary dynamics that are at work we need to focus on them. Winning is important in sporting events, but disastrous in relationships.

The skill of listening to others is just that, a skill. As such it can be developed and improved. It requires that we pay attention to what the other person is saying PRIOR to preparing our response. We need to hear the words of the other and assess the feelings that may be behind the words. One way to determine how accurate we are is to check with the speaker to discover how close our understanding is to what they believe they said.

It is quite easy to suggest these skills. It is quite another thing to practice them. Yet that is precisely what we need to do – practice them. It is advisable to practice with those we love. It may be more difficult due to our closeness to them. They may find it a little unsettling as we begin to behave in a different manner. It is in our best interest to discover why we cling to our view of the world. Only then will we be able to change it.

When we make the change and begin to communicate more clearly, we will find our visits to the “separate realities zone” more enjoyable.

Jack’s Nugget: Be willing to do frequent reality zone checks. You never know in whose you will be.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Three: Discover and Share The Love In Your Heart

2006-01-11T05:48:00.000-06:00

I’m continually amazed at the things people are able to say and do when they interact with others. There are times when I believe I have stepped over the line with some of my comments to others. The comments sounded a bit caustic or sarcastic to me. However, the response of the other party seems one of acceptance and in some rare cases appreciation. My awareness makes me more vigilant about how I communicate with others.

It is not my intent to cause others discomfort, although I do recognize that growth can come from such discomfort. The more I think of this idea, the more I want to focus on what it is that allows me to “get away with” my comments. My query has brought me to this premise—“Share the love in your heart.”

“Share the love in your heart?” Now that is a charming concept. It rolls off the tongue so easily. However, it is easier to say than to do. We must first discover the love in our heart. It is that feeling of joy, excitement, affection and wellbeing that we perceive when the world is beautiful. That feeling that energizes us and brings with it serenity and peace. Which comes first, the joy or the beautiful world? That answer is easy, the beautiful world is all around us, even in the midst of horrendous evil. Our task is to discover that part of us that perceives the beauty and awakens the joy. The beautiful world is always there. We just have to be open to it and welcome it.

Welcoming the beautiful world begins by recognizing the feelings that come to us when least expected. Those feelings we have about the smallest things. Remember how you felt the first time it rained after a long dry spell? Heard the words to a beautiful song? Saw the beauty of the first snowfall? Felt the joy of successfully completing a difficult task? Saw a beloved person? Observed a curious child accomplish something for the first time? Noticed a beautiful sunrise/sunset? There are several feelings that may come to you--feelings of satisfaction, elation, energy, and even serenity. All of those feelings give you a sense of wellbeing. As you become aware of this state of wellbeing, you want to remain there. You want others to have the same feeling. You want to share those feelings with others. That wanting to share is a natural byproduct of the feeling. The marvelous thing about identifying these feelings is that we can experience them whenever we want. We are in complete control of the feelings. It only requires our willingness to be calm, sense them, and let them permeate our total being.

There are times when we must tell people things that they might not want to hear. We must do it in such a way that they are willing to accept it in the manner in which it was intended, i.e., we care enough about them to let them know how their behavior is affecting us. Those who are in pain from anger, fear, sadness, disappointment, or some other emotion, need someone who will listen. Sometimes that is all they want, a listener. No talk. No suggestions. No recommendations, just a willing ear.

The listening must be non-judgmental. It must be done with an attitude that says, “There is nothing you can say that will cause me to be repelled from you as a person of dignity and worth.” We may justifiably abhor the behavior of the other, but we should at least listen to their story. After listening we can then make suggestions as to a likely course of action. However, my guess is, they would rather not have the suggestions. When they do ask for suggestions, remember, they are just suggestions. The receiver is going to do whatever he or she pleases, regardless of the consequences. Teenagers seem to be quite adept at this.

Sharing the love in our hearts will make our lives more worthwhile. We will be more fulfilled as a person. Others will seek us out to spend time in our company. They will value us because we have shown we value them. We have cared enough to share our love of the beauty of the world with them. That is a powerful role model.

Jack’s Nugget: What you give is what you get. Share the love in your heart.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Four: In Everything There is a Blessing

2006-01-10T22:00:00.000-06:00

When times are difficult, and you think that the world is against you, that is the time you are least looking for someone to tell you everything will be OK. Yet it is those very times you need something to hold on to. Something to help you through the unbearable times.

It is natural and healthy to take time to mourn, grieve, or lament about your situation. It is yours and you are having difficulty getting through it. It is appropriate to give yourself permission to have these feelings. At some point you will want to make some sense of the situation in which you find yourself. It is natural to feel guilt, to want to lay blame somewhere, to seek retribution, even to flee. These very thoughts are a part of the “getting through it” process.

You begin by questioning yourself about what you could have done to prevent it. You might ask, “Why me?” You are asking yourself what was your responsibility in causing it to happen, an answer you might not prefer to hear.

However, it is this very process of “getting through it” that is part of the blessing. You are learning a lesson. You are testing yourself. If you don’t learn the lesson at this time it will come back. The lesson may not be that easy to discover.

To hear the words, “You have Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma” can be devastating to the patient and the family. At first, all you know is that it is cancer. You learn that it is treatable. There is no known cure at this time. You are given some treatment options. You learn of the side effects of the treatments. You select what seems to be the appropriate course of action, and then you begin the “getting through it” process.

When these words were spoken to my wife, it was distressing and demoralizing for us both. I can only guess how it has affected her. I do know that her positive attitude has strengthened through years of treatment, recurrence and remission. It was when we began this journey on our trip through life together that I began to look for the blessing in the situation. It occurred to me that our relationship was changing in a positive way. It is amazing what you will do to serve the one you love. I would never have knowingly selected this method for getting closer, but that was our viable option.

There are events occurring throughout the world that are horrendous. We should all look at them to discover what the blessing might be. We need to look at our place in the world and determine how our actions are perceived by others. Are our actions self-serving or do we act in ways that serve. People who perceive themselves to be held down by others will only take it for so long. A strong, self-serving leader will come along and “lead them to a better place”.

Whether the disaster comes from man or nature, it is still a disaster. Natural disasters require a plan to minimize the damage and bring about a speedy recovery. As for the man-made disasters, that is a different story. One of the first questions we might consider is, “Who is benefiting from this?” The publicly pronounced reasons may sound good, but are they the true reasons? But, we are looking for the blessings in these situations.

During a natural disaster, one blessing is the reality that friends, neighbors, relatives and strangers will come together to put things right again. I believe I have seen instances during man-made disasters where similar actions of friends, neighbors, relatives and strangers have also occurred.

As we attend to these disasters, we need to determine what blessing is likely to come from all of this. How can pain and death bring blessings? Perhaps the most important blessing is to determine how we can change our views of the world to be more serving, caring and sharing of our love. I now look for the blessings in everything that happens to me.

Jack’s Nugget: Serving others, caring about them and sharing the love in your heart is the greatest blessing you can bestow on others. I commend it to you.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Five: To Serve With Integrity And To Care

2006-01-09T09:30:00.004-06:00

In a previous posting I discussed the value of discovering and sharing the love in your heart. It still makes sense to me to operate from that perspective. Now is the time to add another dimension to that thought, a dimension that will improve your place in the world. It will lead you to a more successful and satisfying life. Learn to serve with integrity and to care about others.

My current vocation is helping folks who want to become real estate agents. They come to this stage in their lives for a variety of reasons. The reasons span the spectrum from wanting to be rich to liking people and houses. Some want to be their own boss, others like to look at others’ houses. However, very few have thought in terms of serving others.

I first came across this approach to life a number of years ago while undergoing my second degree Reiki attunement. While mentioning to the Reiki Master that I was helping my wife through some difficult health issues, she asked me to consider changing the verb form I was using. She suggested that I consider serving as opposed to helping. Helping suggests that they are “helpless.” It defined the relationship in a manner that didn’t seem healthy to me. That was the exact moment and message I needed to hear. It resonated well with me. Since that time I have tried to lead my life serving others. I have also expanded the concept by adding the words with integrity.

As you might guess, it is easier to say than it is to do. I remain convinced that serving with integrity is the best way to move through this life. It is a constant struggle to remember that serving is the preferred way to interact with others. It has been helpful in my private life as well as my teaching life.

The next part of this view of the world is to also care about others. When we are truly concerned about their welfare we will tend to do those things that will enhance their well-being. We will take the time to be genuinely concerned about what is happening in their lives.

You may have some way of describing what success means to you. It can run the gamut of ideas from untold riches to personal happiness. In real estate sales it can mean a certain number of transaction closings to a certain dollar amount of annual production. Regardless of your definition of success, you are much more likely to achieve it when you decide to serve with integrity and care about those you serve. Think about it. Think of how changing your method of meeting the world can be of value to you and to the world you meet.

In real estate statistics show that a preponderance of transactions (75%) come from referrals. If that is the case, then it makes a lot of sense to take the necessary steps to use that fact to help you in your business. Here is where serving and caring about those you serve comes in. Those licensees who are successful usually point to the number of referrals they get. They have usually learned to serve well.

The interesting thing about this type of service is that when the licensee maintains contact with past customers and clients, they never raise the issue of real estate. They wait for the customer/client to do that. The contact that is made is more concerned with the life of the customer/client than with real estate. Customers/clients know what the licensee does for a living. They do not have to be reminded.

These contacts are examples of serving and caring. Those licensees who follow this methodology are expanding their business. They are also improving their success as a serving, caring human being. They tend to operate from a positive perspective. They are learning first hand that what you give is what you get. Their success is commensurate with their serving and caring.

Jack’s Nugget: Serve well! You are invited to visit this web site to contribute to this concept. Serve with integrity

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Six: We Are All Responsible For The Outcome

2006-01-08T13:10:00.000-06:00

“Well, that didn’t turn out quite like I expected.” “Why did they have to act that way?” Are these familiar phrases to you? If I haven’t uttered them, I’ve thought them. All of us want to live in a “perfect” world. At some time we realize that we cannot put the world around us into the order that we prefer. We want to be able to count on people responding to us in pleasing, agreeable ways. We prefer to have little or no conflict in our lives. If we believe that this can become a way of life, we have entered the wishful thinking zone.

Everyday we find ourselves in a variety of interactions at work, play, or school. They all involve interpersonal relationships. We usually don’t take the time to realize that we respond differently to different people. There are times when the outcome is favorable. There are times when it is not. Most of the time we just interact and take what comes from the interaction. When we are not pleased with the outcome it is easier to blame the other person than to take a closer look at how we contributed to the outcome.

Whenever two or more people are engaged in an interaction (e.g., exchanging comments on the weather, deciding whether to marry, robbing a bank, planning a city park, or deciding on what to eat for lunch, etc.) they all share the responsibility for its outcome. It is the result of sharing personal power. Most of us never question this. If the outcome is favorable to us, we rejoice that everything is AOK. If it is not, we lament our poor lot in life and blame the others for being so shortsighted. We are usually too wrapped up in the “content” of the situation to consider its “process”. However, it is the very process that is at the root of most relationship problems.

It is so easy to slip into the “blaming others” mode. When we do we are automatically giving them power over us. We have relinquished our personal power to the other. However, when the gun is at your head, you do what you are told. The heroics can come later after the justifiable hysteria and panic.

In most situations, we would all be better served if we took time to analyze our own feelings and behaviors. Do we look forward to being in the company of the other, or are we nauseated at the mere suggestion that we will have to interact with that person? The latter is a sure sign that we have given up our personal power. At no time should we accept abuse from, nor give abuse to anyone. There are numerous examples of people abusing others. Perhaps that is why some reality TV shows are so popular. The best way to avoid abuse is to treat others with dignity. To that end, we must first treat ourselves with dignity. It is when we truly respect and love ourselves, that we can treat others in the same manner.

So, what do we make of all of this? We cannot change others. We can only change ourselves. That can be very frustrating, because then we might have to make some serious changes. Such change can be painfully difficult. Most of our behaviors have been necessary for our survival at some time. They have become habits. Habits are difficult, but not impossible, to break.

We must examine our lives to determine how we got to this place in time and space. Introspection is helpful. It is the method to discover those behaviors that no longer provide the protection they once did. We create our own dilemmas by behaving in established ways that have become outdated. The good news is we can change them whenever we wish.

We begin the change by examining our lives, determining what is not working for us and develop new mechanisms for interacting. It is important to realize that there may be occasions when we can use the assistance of a trained professional. An appropriate guide can be invaluable. Take comfort in this concept, when you need one, the guide will appear.

Jack’s Nugget: I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings and behaviors. I must act accordingly.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Seven: Kids Move, Make Noise, And Are Curious

2006-01-07T18:45:00.000-06:00

It is easier to get along with younger children when you remember that their primary goal is to grow to adulthood. To do that they move, they make noise, and they are curious. Whenever you have the opportunity to observe young children you will notice most of them are doing all or a combination of these three activities. Even as they reach maturity they will continue these three activities. To help them achieve their goal help them channel these activities. Remember your childhood. Didn’t you move, make noise and get into all sorts of predicaments? As we grew and learned about the consequences of our actions we learned to control our actions.

As children grow and increase in size an interesting phenomenon occurs, energy is released. There is some rule/law in physics that supports this contention. Since that is true, then it is unreasonable to expect them to be still most of the time. At the same time they are exploring their environments. Their primary mission is to learn about that environment so they can survive. This is a noisy proposition most of the time.

In my work as a real estate licensee I have had the pleasure of helping families sell their homes. In most instances mom and dad have told the children that the family is going to move, and that is about all the children are told. This is usually true when the children are younger than nine. When I arrived to discuss the sale of the home the children were always curious about who I was and why I was there. As usual they exhibited those three traits of children--moving, making noise, and being curious. The parents would request/demand/order that they go somewhere else so they wouldn’t be a bother. Most parents do this, because they don’t want the children to be a bother, and they don’t want to miss anything. This is an important time for them.

I discovered that if I make the children part of the team they will soon tire of what I am doing and go off to seek other adventures. I inform the parents that the children are not a bother. I will need the children to help me. When I take room measurements I do it the old fashioned way with a tape measure. I then ask the children if they want to help. They are usually eager to do so. It is helpful to look the children in the eye when asking them to be a part of the team. I get down on one knee and carefully explain what we are going to do and how they can help. I ask them to take the end of the tape measure to the wall and hold it until I tell them to drop it. If there is more than one child I assign each of them a turn. This keeps them from fighting about it. I also show them how fast the steel tape retracts into its carrying case. I warn them to be sure to drop it when I ask. This instruction is necessary so that they don’t hurt themselves or get blood on my tape measure.

I usually start with their bedrooms. This lets them know they are special. They usually stay with me for one or two rooms before their curiosity is satisfied and they want to find something more interesting to do.

This technique has been helpful for me. It is not something everyone is comfortable doing or wants to do. If you are not at ease with children then do not do this. If you have physical difficulties then don’t do it. It is a way that the children’s natural curiosity can be satisfied and their dignity protected. It is a great way to show them they are of value. Parents are more likely to realize that you are truly interested in assisting them in the sale of their property. It is another way to serve others. Besides, you have enlisted an ally. The children may ask; “When is Mr. Real Estate coming back?” This type of interaction will also have the added benefit of garnering future business. You are more likely to gain referrals for future business when you serve others is in this manner.

Knowing that children exhibit these behaviors, it is easier to accommodate them. Providing them opportunities to practice them with parental supervision.

Jack’s Nugget: Kids are people too. They deserve respect.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Eight: “Don’t Mix Sparks And Gasoline”

2006-01-06T11:00:00.000-06:00

It doesn’t take a lot of intelligent thought to realize that it is a bad idea to see how much gasoline is in a container by holding a lit match to the opening. The results can be quite explosive. (The poor pun was intended.) There are times when we interact with others and the results can be just as explosive and damaging.

You may already have used this advice yourself. Do you recall a time when you thought it would be nice to have two of your friends get to know each other? Do you recall why you didn’t? It was probably because you knew them to be sparks and gasoline should they get together. Their individual friendships were more important than having them meet each other. Preventing the explosive occurrence is easier than trying to “douse the flames.”

Knowing that there are some folks who will not get along, it is advisable to keep them apart. To bring them together would be disastrous. When we are in situations where it is part of our job (e.g., sales, teaching, etc.) to bring people together it is a good idea to keep this in mind. When it is impossible to keep them apart we will have to figure out some way to prevent the inevitable “explosion.” An easy way out is to decline to be of service. That may not be the best course of action when our livelihood depends on it. In business, with friends and sometimes in families, we cannot avoid such situations. It is inevitable and necessary in some situations that we must continue. We may have to resort to “shuttle negotiations.” That is, we will carry messages from one to the other until there is a meeting of the minds.

Most of us realize that it is unwise to be a participant in such situations. It is possible to prevent or minimize such explosive occurrences. Each of us must be vigilant about our own feelings and become aware of when we are headed toward being the sparks to someone else’s gasoline. It is easier to prevent and almost impossible to stop once the emotions get turned on.

In every facet of our lives we can make a difference to the quality of those times by controlling our own emotional responses. It requires that we realize how we are feeling at the time. We should also become aware of how others are feeling. Do we get angry and frustrated because the other person doesn’t agree with us immediately? Do they insist upon clinging to their idiotic ideas? Do these questions tell us more about ourselves then the other person? If we are honest about it we will admit that their “faulty” thinking is more about us than about them.

We may experience a host of feelings that have little to do with the merits of the discussion, but more about how we feel -- rejected or discounted. If we are feeling these emotions, then the other person is probably feeling the same. As we become aware of our feelings and how the other person may be feeling, we can short-circuit the angry outcome. We can change our point of view physically and/or psychologically. When we stand side by side we are facing a common challenge.

It may become necessary to just walk away from the interaction. It can make all the difference. A cooling off period gives all parties to the interaction the opportunity to review their interests and how they might conflict with the other person. We might even be inclined to amend our view. We may have to agree to disagree. Do so agreeably.

Another option we have is to discuss with the other person how we are feeling when we are in their presence. They may not realize how their actions affect others. Bring the feelings into the open. Both parties can grow in a positive direction.

I have given my students “permission” to let me know publicly or privately whenever I have done or said something that has caused them discomfort. With such discussions we will learn more about each other. I cannot change what I do not know is bothersome to others, nor can they. There is no guarantee that either of us will change our behavior, but my guess is that we both will.

Jack’s Nugget: If you want to know how much gas is in the can, use a flashlight.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Nine: The Mystery of Packing A Trunk

2006-01-05T22:05:00.000-06:00

In the first few years of our marriage, my wife and I were packing the car for a vacation. Both of us are college educated, reasonably intelligent individuals, and understand that there is more than one way to pack the trunk.

We were both bringing items from the house. At one point I began to put items in the trunk. My wife would then question the placement of the items. I began to feel that I was being challenged in ways I didn’t like. I adopted my favorite defensive response of passive aggressiveness. I stated that if she could do it better she was welcome to do the job herself. (She remembers it slightly differently. She is the one who “lets” me do the packing. On her part it is not passive aggressive behavior.) I admit that I was feeling quite angry that my skills should be attacked in such a way.

As I thought about the situation more, I realized that we had a control issue that needed resolving. I realized that my response was inappropriate. From that time to this whenever we begin to have a difference of opinion about some task, either one of us may say to the other, “Are we packing a trunk?” With that question we short circuit any negative feelings or arguments that may be building. We substitute a positive and humorous attitude for the negative feelings and proceed to get done whatever we planned. It is an opportunity for each of us to let the other know that they can gladly take the leadership role. Each of us supports the other. It certainly has helped reduce the number of senseless arguments, sulking, pouting or other negative behaviors that get in the way of a great relationship.

The participants in all relationships will eventually face the issue of control. Who is in charge? How do we decide? Why must the other person challenge me?

Who is in charge? That is a natural question whenever two or more people are about to embark on an activity. In most instances someone suggests a course of action and away they go. If the activity is relatively minor there is usually no conflict. However, there are times when it is important to have someone in charge. We usually agree that the person with the most experience and knowledge of the activity should take the lead. Most times this is a reasonable plan. There are times when a less experienced person may have an insight that will make the project proceed much more efficiently and effectively. There must be some agreement on how to adapt to this situation. It must be agreed upon ahead of time.

How do we decide? One of the best ways to reach decisions on who will be in charge is through consensus. In my experience, the person with the most energy about the project will usually have the energy necessary to lead the group to a successful conclusion. Reminding the group about the goal will aid in goal achievement.

Why must the other person challenge me? They may have more knowledge about the project. They may have their own personal issues. This question requires personal soul searching. Whenever we ask this question we may feel inadequate, and we don’t want to admit it. It is easier to attack the other person than face our own “demons.” We must take that step to look at ourselves and discover why we feel inadequate. If it is a matter of training, then get more training.

On the other hand, if it is a matter of self worth, that may be more difficult to set right. The first step to changing is to recognize we have the difficulty. It may require the assistance of a person trained in guiding others through such personal exploration. It is imperative for the relationship to take the steps to broaden our view of the world and our place in it. We can change how we choose to interact with others.

We can follow the concept from neuro-linguistic programming -- whenever we are not satisfied with what is happening to us we need to do something different until we do like what is happening to us. Remember, you earn the way others treat you. Whether it is positive or negative, how we are treated is a direct result of how we present ourselves to others.

Jack’s Nugget: For any given space in time there are an infinite number of ways to stuff things into it. Be flexible.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Ten: Be A Hero To Your Kid(s)

2006-01-04T21:05:00.000-06:00

Being a hero to your children can be the most important and rewarding thing you can do. It doesn’t mean you have to leap tall buildings in a single bound. All you have to do is love them, respect them, and treat them with dignity. Let them know that you value them. If you can mix some humor with this approach it will be an added bonus.

What would you do if your oldest child, a junior in high school, told you she wanted to attend the University of Hawaii and you lived in Kansas? Or your young son asked you to buy him a hamster? Your immediate response might likely be a resounding NO, particularly if you find hamsters repulsive. I would like to suggest you consider saying yes, but expressing whatever reservations you will have.

In the first case you might suggest that she consider that you only have so much money earmarked for her college education. Then have her contact the high school guidance counselor to gather information about likely courses, living arrangements, and the funds required. Make her responsible for making the plan. Listen attentively to her plan. Ask pertinent questions about the things you think of that she has not. Do not make judgments about the plan. If it is possible to execute the plan then do so, if not, then clearly express the reasons. You have another opportunity for meaningful conversation and dialogue. Most of the reasons will become apparent during the discussion. The reasons you give should have more substance than, “Because I’m your parent and I’m bigger than you.” Or, “It’s my money.” Or, “I need you closer to home so I can keep an eye on you.”

In the second instance discuss with him the ground rules--he will be responsible to fund the project from his allowance, take care of the animal, house the animal in his room. You can even make it a part of the bargain that if the hamster does get out of his room the hamster is history. Then lead the youngster through the problem solving process. Help him define the problem, determine those factors that will have a bearing on the problem, develop options to resolve the problem, and establish a way to evaluate the solution. In this case help him determine the costs of owning a hamster. Compare that to the amount of income he has from an allowance. When he has had an opportunity to determine the cost and expense he will discover that he might just have to put off the plan until he can afford it.

One of the most important aspects of this process is listening. That means you must hear what the child is saying and how the child is saying it. In some instances the child might want you to say no because the peer pressure is very strong. It is OK to let the child know that if he/she needs a “bad guy” to keep him/her from doing something “wrong”, you are prepared to do that. You do not have to agree with the chosen course of action of the child, and if it is absolutely life threatening or will cause extensive property damage you have every right to say NO. You still have a responsibility to keep your children safe. However, when the child selects a course of action which has some negative consequences let that be a learning experience. And, you should never say, “I told you so.” Remember how your character was built. You faced some adversity and came out of it stronger than when you went into it. Children need the opportunity to learn from their mistakes, too.

There are several benefits to this approach. You teach your child problem solving, demonstrate how to listen, show that you value your child, and open the door to future conversations. You may even find that in the future the child will probably tell you things that you might not want to hear, but should. Remember that during the process you must remain nonjudgmental.

In the two situations above the young lady earned a Fine Arts degree from the University of Kansas. The young man discovered that he could not afford the hamster. The family eventually settled on a pet bird.

Society gains when we are heroes to our children. They become heroes their own children.

Jack’s nugget: Love your children enough to let then learn from their choices and mistakes.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Eleven: “Aunt Tillie's Trunk in the Attic”

2006-01-03T02:00:00.000-06:00

This may seem like an odd statement. And, on its own, it is. However, it was initially aimed at the folks who are preparing to take the real estate examinations. Most states require training and testing prior to issuing a real estate license to applicants. The state wants to insure that the people who are licensed are competent. The transfer of ownership of real estate is a complex process. Practitioners need to know a vast amount of information about the process.

One of the primary goals in my real estate classes is to teach the participants how to take a multiple-choice test. It is safe to say that most of them were anxious about taking tests the last time they were tested. Whatever their fears were in the past these fears tend to be exaggerated over time.

To help them overcome their fears they are given a method to put the odds in their favor. With a standard multiple-choice test the odds are one in four. With the technique they learn in class the odds are changed to 50-50. Not bad odds. There are six simple steps to follow. For those of you who might have some interest in the technique, here it is.

1. Cover the answers. By covering the answers you do not contaminate your thinking by selecting an answer prior to knowing what is being asked.

2. Read the question – carefully. The greatest problem most people have when reading anything is not taking the time to read the information carefully. This step relies on the test takers understanding of the material being tested.

3. Understand the problem. This is particularly important in testing or when entering into a contract. It is essential that the content be fully understood prior to considering an answer.

4. Determine the answer. Once the problem is read and understood it is much easier to formulate the correct answer to the question.

5. Uncover and find the answer. With the correct answer in mind the multiple choice question has effectively been turned into a true-false question. Each of the possible answers is matched to the correct answer. When the examinee finds the answer that matches the correct one, that answer is marked and the examinee can move on to the next question.

6. Do not linger too long on any one question. There will be questions that the examinee might not understand immediately. Some people are stubborn enough to stay with the question until they figure it out. This approach is time consuming and unnecessary. Subsequent questions will provide clues to the “difficult” question. Here is were we apply the “Aunt Tillie’s trunk in the attic” phrase.

Have you ever written a report, letter, essay or other such document? Do you recall that in the middle of the writing you were suddenly reminded of something as unrelated to the report as “Aunt Tillie’s trunk in the attic”? It happens to all of us. It is the unique way that the human brain works. We can compare the operation of the human brain to the operation of a computer’s memory. Both store bits/bytes of information in random places in the memory. These bits/bytes of information are tied together with an electronic “string”. With the computer, we tap the enter/return key and the entire file appears on the screen as neat and tidy as when we saved it. On the other hand the electronic “string” that the brain uses is not as smooth as the one in the computer. So when we tap the mental enter/return key for the brain out pops “Aunt Tillie’s trunk in the attic.” It was stored in a spot next to some of the data that comprises our report.

Realizing that this is a natural phenomenon allows us to use it to our advantage. When we come across those few questions on the test that are not immediately clear to us, we just move onto the next question and rely on the power of “Aunt Tillie’s trunk in the attic.” One of the subsequent questions will undoubtedly provide us the necessary insights to the questions that were not previously clear.

Understanding the power of the “Aunt Tillie’s trunk in the attic” will aid us in our studies. Underlying our success in testing is the requirement to study the material carefully. There is no substitute for knowledge.

Jack’s Nugget: Understand and use the power of your brain.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Twelve: “’Mr. Wonderful’, Please Change”

2006-01-02T06:40:00.000-06:00

I am constantly amazed at the letters to advice columnists in the newspaper that go something like this. “I need your advice. I have been with “Mr. Wonderful” for several years. During that time he has yelled at me, beaten me, expected me to support him and his drugs and/or booze, stayed out all night, slept with my best friends, stolen money from my purse, wrecked my car, killed my cat, won’t do anything to keep the place clean, or told me that he is the only one who will want me. And besides that he leaves the lid up all of the time. I really love him. I think once we’re married I can change him. What should I do? Should I marry him? Did I tell you I really love him? Well, I do.” Signed – “Ms. Desperately in Love”. This is a compilation of many letters to advice columnists.

My heart aches for “Ms. Desperately in Love”. She seems oblivious to the idea that she does not have to suffer the abuse that is being heaped upon her. She may have confused his lust for control for love. She is convinced that she doesn’t deserve better. “Ms. Desperately in Love” is willing to put up with the negativity that is heaped upon her by her “beloved.” She believes she has found that special someone, “Mr. Wonderful”, who will stay with her forever. What if he does have a few flaws, she believes she can change him, over time. The one thing that “Ms. Desperately in Love” needs to realize the last time he was changed was prior to his being potty trained. After that any change of behavior is strictly up to him, and not very likely.

“Ms. Desperately in Love” needs to understand that she will not be able to change “Mr. Wonderful”. Only he can or will make the change. “Mr. Wonderful” has developed a method of behavior that he believes has brought him success in life. He hasn’t had to seriously look at himself and how his behavior has an impact on others. There is a good chance that he feels as poorly about himself as “Ms. Desperately in Love” feels about herself. “Mr. Wonderful” covers up his deep-seated feelings of inferiority by acting superior at the expense of everyone else. Others can only affect a temporary change in “Mr. Wonderful”. Lasting change can only come from within. “Mr. Wonderful” will have to learn to love, and respect himself if he is ever going to regard others in the same manner.

“Ms. Desperately in Love” needs to realize that the relationship is what it is, and the outcomes are not totally her responsibility. The “blame” she bears is the one of believing that she can effect lasting change in someone who will continually abuse her. “Ms. Desperately in Love” can best help herself by changing her view of the world and her place in it. She cannot escape her feelings of inadequacy by “escaping” into marriage or parenthood.

Here is a situation where an ounce of prevention is worth a ton of cure. It is also a situation wherein the culture/society shoulders some of the responsibility. Prevention begins at an early age. Children need to be taught to value themselves more. The best way for this to occur is for parents to value them. Parenting requires attention to the needs of the child, not just the material needs, but the well being needs as well. The needs to be recognized as a separate human being who is endeavoring to find a place in the world--a person who has worth.

We, the culture/society, play a big part in this when we promote the fair and equitable treatment of ALL. We can do this by recognizing the worth of all people regardless of their race, color, creed, national origin, gender, or “handicap/disability” differences. To be different is not to be better or worse. It is just to be different.

What can “Ms. Desperately in Love” do to protect herself? She must recognize her own self-worth. Her family and closest friends have to step in and provide her with the moral, physical and legal support at the very first sign of abuse.

Unfortunately there are too many examples of “Mr. Wonderful” taking matters into his own hands and killing or seriously harming the woman with whom he is so "desperately in love". It is his last resort. It is a flawed conclusion.

Jack’s Nugget: Preventing abuse starts with loving yourself.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Thirteen: Life is About Choices

2006-01-01T08:00:00.000-06:00

Every choice we make is the right one and every choice is the wrong one. No matter what, we will choose something. The choices we make shape our lives, and influence the lives of others.

How often do you consciously think about the choices you make daily? Do you spend much time at each decision point before choosing? Do you even recognize when you are at a decision making point? Are you impulsive in the choices you make? Do you let others make choices for you? Do you make choices for others?

Every day we are faced with choices. Most of them are made without much effort. Do you put your pants on left leg or right leg first? You probably don’t stop to think about it. If you did you might still be working on it. Many, perhaps most, of our choices are made from habit. We learn very early the preferred pants leg to put on first. The choice isn’t monumental. It is just a choice, but we could be there all day if stopped to weigh the consequences of that choice.

There other choices we make that seem as innocent and harmless that we make much the same way. Should we eat breakfast? Should we go to school? Should we choose this career or that? With whom should we associate? Will we have a life mate?

Every choice we make does shape our lives. Thank goodness most of our choices are as inconsequential as getting dressed. When dressing we can usually make choices to meet society’s requirement to be dressed in public. We may not satisfy everyone’s taste in “proper” attire, but most of our bodies are covered. We should think more about choices that might have a negative affect on our bodies, minds and relationships. Surprisingly, some of the choices that seem the least important are anything but that. Sometimes there are external factors that greatly influence our choices.

There is no “wrong” choice, just choice. When some choices are made with little thought the results can be disastrous. Or, at least seem that way. As an example: Someone is being mugged. I intervene. The mugging is thwarted. That seems like a right choice. However, what if the mugger, the victim or I get seriously injured as a result. Is my choice to intervene right or wrong? We might be willing to say that the mugger got what he deserved if he is injured so the choice was right. The choice to come to that conclusion might be right, but that is the topic for another discussion. (Is the choice to make that last statement right or wrong?) The point is-we make choices.

Another example: In chapter twelve I discussed dysfunctional, abusive relationships. Both of those people have chosen to be in that relationship. Each has a reason for being there. At that time, each of them believes they are receiving what they want. Most of us would say that they are not really analyzing the situation clearly. They probably aren’t, but what is their payoff? They probably don’t take the time to make that kind of analysis at the beginning of the relationship. It isn’t until the abuse gets worse that they begin to question the choices they made that got them to that point.

What about the choice to have one more “small” drink before driving home? There are sufficient statistics to support the idea that the choice turned out badly. People get injured and killed daily because of the choice of the drinking driver. What about the choices of the victim? It is not my intent to minimize the pain and grief of the victims. I think it might be interesting to look at the choices they made that brought them to the scene of the accident. In chapter six I discuss the responsibility we all share in the outcome of events.

A way to put this in perspective might be that this is all part of a grander plan that we have had a hand in planning. We have decided to have coincidental events occur that will provide us lessons to learn. We must then choose to learn the lesson or not. At some time the lesson will be learned.

It would be easy for me to say we must stop being lazy about contemplating the choices we make. But that is just one choice. What is yours?

Jack’s Nugget: My life is the sum of my choices, so is yours.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Fourteen: Living or Existing

2005-12-31T09:00:00.000-06:00

Do I live or do I exist? That question reminds me of a part of Hamlet’s soliloquy--"To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer 
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, 
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, 
And by opposing end them."
William Shakespeare

Did Hamlet live or exist? One way to answer the question might be he did both. However, a case can be made to suggest that if a person chooses to not examine his/her life then life is mere existence. To choose to sit back and let life throw at you what it will is a choice that each of us must make from time-to-time. And, as mentioned in the previous chapter, the choice can be both the right one and the wrong one.

The first few lines of Hamlet’s soliloquy might well have said, “To live, or not to live: that is the question.” This seems to be the struggle he is having. Reading the total soliloquy will suggest he is thinking about suicide, and that can be a valid choice. I, personally, do not recommend it, but it is a choice.

We would be well served by asking this question of ourselves. Do I want to live or do I want to exist? Can I vacillate between the two? What do each of them mean to me? The answers to these questions can only have meaning to the person who asks them about themselves. For some, their life journey may well be to “…suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” In spite of that, can a person live under such circumstances?

To move from mere existence to living, requires a conscious choice. The choice to live one’s life is one that requires some introspection. It requires that we love ourselves enough to love others. It means we must behave in ways that will be of service to others. It means we must find the beauty and blessings in the events that we have chosen to make up our lives.

Jack’s Nugget: To live and love fully, do good works.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Fifteen: Discovering Your Personal Power

2005-12-30T10:45:00.003-06:00

One of the things I endeavor to do in my real estate classes is to encourage a positive mind set for success. Many of the previous chapters are evidence of this effort. Indeed, this collection of “nuggets” has been gleaned primarily from such classes.

In the class that just ended the idea of discovering and exerting your personal power surfaced, ergo, another chapter was born. It seems important to share these ideas of potential personal growth is part and parcel of preparing for a new career.

Discovering your personal power is the realization that you are a person of worth and dignity. You are a person to be reckoned with, and not in a negative way. You are someone who has a positive sense of your place in the world. You care enough about yourself that you are ready to serve others and care about them. You are not abusive toward others and you do not permit others to be abusive toward you.

In my own life I can remember when I didn’t even think in these terms. While I didn’t have knowledge of such terminology, I did use positional power. I can clearly remember a time early in my teaching experience when I exercised my positional power. What is a young, skinny, “four-eyed” kid supposed to do when put into a situation of power. I out-ranked them by at least one stripe. It was only “natural” to take advantage of my position when they wouldn’t get down to work. I remember one group that seemed to be made up of half the bad guys from Pittsburgh and half from Philadelphia. Upon reviewing the notes they were taking, several of them were working on some pseudo-pornographic material. I decided it might be time to conduct the obligatory, weekly “GI party” and clean the place up.

As I look back on it, I am not pleased with my actions. Then I didn’t know there was any other way to be in charge. You just had to let them know you were in charge the best way you could. I was a real tyrant.

It took quite a few years, more education, and expanding my reading and studies to learn there was a difference. Many of the books that influenced me are a part of this book. It became clear to me that positional power will only get the reluctant compliance of those with whom I worked. There were plenty of examples of other leaders who only used positional power. It was quite apparent that this approach was less then effective. Good leadership requires willing compliance with instructions.

During my studies I learned about the different types of power that people can exert. Since then I have also come to the conclusion that personal power requires one to be comfortable with one’s self, to be confident in one’s place in the world.

It is possible to be successful in any endeavor if one relies on personal power. I would suggest that people become familiar with their own personal power. Once they can do this, they will be able to present themselves in an extremely confident manner. Others will be more likely to want to spend time with them and rely on them to provide whatever service might be required. In real estate it is necessary to be able to serve the clientele. That is one of the most important skills the licensee brings to the interaction.

Most of us can recall more than one occasion where we had the pleasure of working/associating with a confident, positive person. We wanted to spend more time with that person. If they were service providers, we would go out of our way to refer others to them.

The more the licensee exhibits positive, personal power, the more confident the consumer will be that the transaction will be completed efficiently and effectively. The consumer will have a confidence similar to the licensee’s. It is more likely that the licensee will get more business in the future because of such positive behavior.

Take the time to determine your personal power. It may require some effort for some folks to find it and rely on it. Just remember, it is in all of us. Pay attention when you hear your inner voice guiding you toward your positive personal power.

Jack’s Nugget: Positive use of your personal power is a way to do good works.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Sixteen: Discover Your Spiritual Self - Part One

2005-12-29T20:55:00.001-06:00

One of the missions I believe I have for this life is discovering my spiritual self. I believe we all share this same mission, but it is only one of many. We get caught up in the day-to-day survival activities and tend to forget about our spiritual life. I am realizing that when this occurs, our priorities are reversed.

Part of my realization process was reading, and paying attention to those things that were happening in my life. For about thirty years I have thought and talked about being able to connect to others at a different level/medium/realm of communication. For lack of a better way to describe it I have used the term energy level. The closest analogy I can use is a recent technological advance – instant messaging. However, it is much more sophisticated than that. It occurs on a level that is beyond non-verbal.

There are some people with whom I have had the pleasure of sharing time and space. I felt I have known forever. There are not many, but when we meet it is as if we are reconnecting. I know that they are strangers to me when I first see them, but after a very few moments together, I know we are “family”.

As we begin talking about anything I sense almost immediately that we will be able to communicate and rely on each other to understand what is being said. The sensing is mutual. I have found a kindred spirit. If I could see auras, I am sure that the auras around each of us are strong, positive, optimistic, joyful, intense and healthy. We are probably from the same soul unit. After spending some time together we will be able to finish each other’s sentences. We are synchronized without making an effort to do so.
This is an exhilarating experience for me. It doesn’t happen often. When it does it is magical.

Another indicator of spirituality is my reaction to music. I am so overwhelmed by some music that I am brought to tears. I wonder if the songwriter had the same feelings when composing it. Sometimes it is just the musical notes and sometimes the combination of notes and words. Examples of this are Herbie Mann’s rendition of the Battle Hymn of the Republic, Merle Haggard’s That’s the Way Love Goes, and Eric Clapton’s My Father’s Eyes.

Some books have had similar affects on me. I read Richard Bach’s Jonathon Livingston Seagull in about 45 minutes while attending the FBI National Academy many years ago. It brought tears to my eyes because of its spiritual beauty. From this experience I became more aware of this feeling and began to seek other similar experiences. I couldn’t wait to read other similar material. When Bach’s Illusions came out I got it as a Christmas gift. I read it completely that day amidst children enjoying their gifts, in-laws celebrating a 50th wedding anniversary and Penn State playing Arizona State in a bowl game. (My wife is a Penn State alum and I graduated from ASU.) There have been many more books that have influenced me over the years, including the Messages from Michael series and The Hawayo Takata Story. As with the music mentioned above these are just a few of the many.

There were also discussions with friends that I now realize have been part of my spiritual discovery journey. There were philosophy classes during my undergraduate work that awakened me to the Eastern philosophies and religions. They resonated with me in ways that suggested a higher connection than just reading words and ideas. It was an inner realization that these concepts “felt right”. I suspect these feelings were my first conscious connection with spiritual energy. Further reading, study and discussions with friends increased this awareness. It made me look for more connections. I became aware of my responsibility/duty to be open to such connections. I also realized that such connections can’t be forced. I have to let them happen. I am now discovering that even the smallest, least significant event can be such a connection. Sometimes it is the “stumbling across” the blog of people from different countries.

Jack’s Nugget: The spiritual journey is constant, be open to it.

Take me back to the Directions page:

Chapter Seventeen: Discover Your Spiritual Self - Part Two

2005-12-28T20:53:00.000-06:00

For the past twenty some-odd years I have ended my day with this mantra of thanksgiving. It has been modified slightly as I have learned new bits of information. I believe it is an example of my spiritual self.

Thank you guides for helping me survive and thrive this day

Thank you for helping me as I work to fulfill my missions efficiently, effectively and elegantly.

Thank you for helping me learn more about the “Divineness of Perfection”.

And a special thanks for the assistance you provide the people on my prayer list to assist them in the successful completion of their individual missions.

Back in the late ‘70’s I read Spirit Guides by Samuels and Bennett. The primary theme as I remember it now was that we all have spirit guides that are available to us.

Thank you guides for helping me survive this day.

These guides are there to do just that, guide us through our lives. We don’t even need to recognize them. However, I believe that they are able to work more effectively and efficiently with our acknowledgement. I also realize that all of my behaviors are my choice.

I recognize that being able to say this mantra I have survived another day. That is the most I expect of them. Even during the day I may recognize my guides. When things are going well I might give a quick thanks to the spirit guides for their assistance. When things aren’t going so well, I thank them for the challenge and ask for additional assistance. There have been times when I drove under less then perfect conditions. At those times I rely on my guides to help keep me safe. For me, it works. I may be speeding along when I come to the realization that I need to slow down. When I ignore the message I come to regret it. The only speeding ticket I ever got came when I chose to ignore the message from my guides.

Thanks for your help as I work to fulfill my missions efficiently, effectively and elegantly.

My belief is that I have missions to perform during this life. As long as I am still able to recite my mantra I am not done. I want to complete the mission work the very best that it can be done. I ask my guides to keep me on that path. I take it on faith that it will happen. Looking at where I am in my life I can only think that things are going well. I am so grateful for my place in this life this time.

Thank you for helping me learn more about the “Divineness of Perfection”.

Dr. Wayne Dyer spoke the phrase the “divineness of perfection”. Whatever happens, “good” or “bad”, is the results of our personal choices. Under general systems theory everything in the universe is connected at some level. That is the system that is divinely perfect. Everything that happens needs to happen that way because of the choices made by everyone. It may not seem like the best of all possible worlds, but it is what we endure every day.

And a special thanks for the assistance you provide the people on my prayer list to assist them in the successful completion of their individual missions.

This is one of the most important parts of the mantra for me. I have made a prayer list that is maintained by my spirit guides. Whenever I learn of people who are having a particularly rough patch, I say prayers for them and also add them to my prayer list for continued support. Depending on how difficult their situation is, I might add several stars next to their name. The stars denote the need for special attention. I never remove anyone’s name from the list. Even when they transition to their next life, their name remains on the list. There is an advantage for maintaining such a list. I don’t have to keep them individually in my mind for them to receive whatever assistance they might need.

The recitation of this simple mantra allows me to peacefully complete my day prior to my Reiki session that also sends universal energy to them all. The recipients have the option to use the Reiki energy in whatever way they choose. It is all done on the “energy” level that connects us all.

Jack’s Nugget: We are not alone. We have each other and our Spirit Guides.

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Chapter Eighteen: Discover Your Spiritual Self -Part Three

2005-12-27T20:55:00.000-06:00

In our search for meaning to our lives, we come to a place where we question life itself. We question our place in the world and the universe. The search usually occurs when we are young. Guides will be there to assist us. If we are fortunate, we will recognize the guides and invite them in. Our good fortune may come in the form of another person seeking the same answers. When you need a teacher, one will appear. When you need a student, one will appear. Our good fortune will be our discovery that we are all students and teachers. Being aware of this notion has helped me on my spiritual quest.

There are numerous people who serve as my teachers. Often it is their questioning life that has contributed to my learning. In my effort to provide some answer to them, I come to a clearer understanding about my own spiritual life. There is a young man who is currently struggling with making some sense of his own spirituality. His parents are quite religious. For them a strong belief in God is extremely important. His perception of their responses to his questions is one of them insisting he just have faith and it will all work out. I get the impression that they would prefer to not have the discussion. They want, maybe even expect, him to accept their approach and everything will be all right. If he just gets more involved with the other young people in the church his questions will be answered.

There is another person, an older woman, whose own search has led her to the belief that God does not exist. My impression of how she came to this conclusion is from having experiences similar to the young man. On top of that, she has witnessed so many instances of man’s inhumanity to man, that she could not help but come to the point of view that there is more to spirituality than organized religion.

They are both examples of people beginning to question organized religion. They are not too happy with the examples being set for them. However, they continue to seek a spiritual answer. Their sharing their experiences has helped me to come to some conclusions of my own. Earlier I posted a list of books that have also had a great impact on my spiritual quest. I would suggest that we could all review our lives to identify those people and books that have had an impact on our spiritual quest.

Is it possible to be spiritual without being religious? Probably. Is it possible to be religious without being spiritual? Not very likely. For me, spirituality has more to do with the energy that connects me to the universe than it does to connecting to a specific religion. I do understand that most religious believers are sincere in and committed to their beliefs. I will not argue that this faith brings them great comfort and solace. However, I am concerned that this faith may limit their search for spirituality. (This probably shows my own ignorance of their view of the world.) My understanding suggests that there is no room in their belief for conflicting religious views.

Is it possible that spirituality is the larger category and religion a subset of that category? If we view spirituality as the ultimate energy of the universe, the answer is yes. It seems possible and most probable that the “glue” that binds everything together is this positive energy field, that I choose to call Universal Love. I am also aware of the notion of yin and yang. It is most probably present with the spiritual energy. Evidence of that, in my view of the world, is the narrow view of the world taken by fundamentalists of every organized religion. Their fixation on doing things their way or be damned to fire and brimstone is a prime example of the negative energy operating.

We all have choices. Most people, who practice their religious beliefs, agree with that concept. The ones who choose to believe in the narrower, negative view do serve a greater purpose. A purpose that is greater than they realize. If we observe them in their daily lives we learn that they are waiting for the “after life” for their positive life experience. To that end I wish them well. However, we must be alert to their efforts to force the rest of us into believing as they do. The Positive Spiritual Energy will serve us better to serve others.

Jack’s Nugget: Spirituality is an important part of us all, it defines our humanness.

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Influential Books

2005-09-02T07:30:00.006-05:00

These are the books that have had the most influence on me in my spiritual quest.

TITLE ---- AUTHOR
Illusions ---- Bach, Richard
Jonathon Livingston Seagull ---- Bach, Richard
Frogs into Princes ---- Bandler, Richard & John Grinder
Reiki Energy Medicine ---- Barnett, Libby & Maggie Chambers
The DaVinci Code ---- Brown, Dan
NOW, Discover Your Strengths ---- Buckingham, Marcus & Donald Clifton
They Lived Happily Ever After ---- Cameron-Bandler, Leslie
The Tipping Point ---- Gladwell, Malcom
Blink ---- Gladwell, Malcom
TRANCE-formations ---- Grinder, John & Richard Bandler
Hawayo Takata Story, The ---- Haberly, Helen
The Law of Attraction ---- Hicks, Esther & Jerry
Center of the Cyclone ---- Lilly, John
Dyadic Cyclone, The ---- Lilly, John & Antonietta Lilly
Complete Reiki Handbook, The ---- Lubeck, Walter
Stories of Uncle Adrian ---- Monroe, Zan
Sacred Contracts ---- Myss, Caroline
Anatomy of the Spirit ---- Myss, Caroline
Dreams From My Father ---- Obama, Barack
Celestine Prophecy, The ---- Redfield, James
Tenth Insight, The ---- Redfield, James
Celestine Prophecy: An Experiential Guide, The ---- Redfield, James & Carol Adrienne
Spirit Guides ---- Samuels & Bennett
Be Well ---- Samuels & Bennett
A New Earth ---- Tolle, Eckhart
Tao Te Ching ---- Tsu, Lao
The Book: On the taboo against knowing who you are ---- Watts, Alan
Natural Mind, The ---- Weil, Andrew
Messages from Michael ---- Yarbro, Chelsea Quinn
More Messages from Michael ---- Yarbro, Chelsea Quinn
Michael's People ---- Yarbro, Chelsea Quinn
Michael for the Millenium ---- Yarbro, Chelsea Quinn
Autobiography of a Yogi ---- Yogananda, Paramahansa

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